Thoughts on Transitions

For the past four years of my life I've felt like I've constantly been in transition. When I graduated with my Bachelor's degree I transitioned into my first full-time job. Three months later I transitioned into going to Seminary. Four months later I decided it wasn't a good fit and resigned from the program. The following Spring I was accepted into a graduate program for Social Work. That Fall I began the program and transitioned from full-time status at my job to part-time. That December Frank and I were engaged! That following Spring I left my job and began working part-time for a new job. The following two years were full of new changes: I went through two different internships and started a new part-time job at the graduate school, Frank and I got married and moved into my Grandmother's home while my family was trying to sell it. A few months later, this past November, we moved an hour away from family to a new town and into a new apartment. A few months ago, in May, I graduated from my graduate program and received my MSW degree. 

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Are you tired yet? I am.  I am exhausted. I don't do well with change and having to go through so many changes in the past four years I am very ready for stability. The good thing about change and transitions is that you tend to learn a lot. Let me rephrase that. The really tough, not-so-fun-part about change that usually turns out to be a good thing is that you tend to learn a lot. 

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To be honest, one of the things I've learned is that I don't enjoy change. I prefer to have a routine. It's comforting. It's also nice to not be sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next transition to happen and wondering if it will be a good one or a major and difficult one. But, I guess that's life, right? I'm learning that life is full of transitions. Expecting life to be stable is just silly, because I don't think it ever will be. I've been spending the past four years of my life pining for a time when I didn't have to live in a mindset of "I'm doing this for now, but in a few months things will change...". 

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I think that very mindset of constantly looking forward to a time that is different from the present is what's so exhausting. In the meantime, I've ended up missing out on enjoying the present phase of life that I was in. I think that was a huge mistake. I want to learn to be more content with the life that I'm living in the present and learn to embrace change better. 

I really don't think I'll ever be great at it. But, I can try my best to embrace the next phase of my life and find beauty in the transition. 

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In a few weeks I'll likely be transitioning to a new full-time job. I haven't had a full-time job in almost three years! I am excited, nervous and even a bit scared. What if I hate the job? What if I don't have time for things anymore? Even worse, what if I get into a rut in my life now that things are headed towards a more "stable" schedule? Or even, what if once I get settled  yet another transition comes up from behind me and knocks me over again?

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I'm trying to use these next few weeks to really cherish the time that I have. To take advantage of the moments and time that may not be around as often once I am working full-time. I also want to take the time to enjoy the phase of life I am transitioning out of instead of participating in excessive planning and looking forward to the future. 

The future will come. 

But, I'm intent on living in the present while it exists.